Category Archives: Uncategorized

Figueroa Mountain.

Figueroa Mountain.

He sat there looking into his own reflection on the cover of the latest Wine Spectator with the caption reading, “Where did Redmond Robinson, the greatest Sommelier of all time, disappear too?” Redmond knew, he was mayor and jester to the others who lived with him on Skid Row.
Skid Row is an area in Los Angeles located between Third street to the north, Seventh street to the south, Alameda to the east, and main street to the west. It is a hard place to see and even harder to live, but Red, ‘as he is known on the street’, has made a name for himself by sticking up for the newbies and advocating for the old timers who would otherwise be lost in a system that frowns on the down and out.

Red has been living in Skid Row or “The Nickel” as it’s called down here, for the better part of five years. He is an alcoholic but regrets little as to how his life has turned out.

Red sat there wondering to himself, ‘Why the fuck are they interested in my life after five years? Those pompous fucks are just looking to capitalize on the story that that hot reporter did on me last summer’. What was her name? Shit! That was four months ago and I’ve already forgotten her name.
“Billy! wake up. Billy Goat, wake up!”
“Oh hey Red, what’s up?”
“Do you remember that hot reporter that came down here slumming for a story a few months back?”
“Hells yeah I do! She had the prettiest eyes and those titties, oh yea I remember her.” Billy said with a far away look of desire in his eyes.
“What was her name?”
“Red, you drunk son of a bitch!”, Billy said with a chuckle.
“Her name, please?”
“Let me see. Started with an E….Eliza Pittori, yeah that’s it, Beautiful Eliza Pittori”. Billy said with a twinkle in his old tired eyes.
“Thanks Goat. Need a drink? I’m on my way to Peeps for a bottle.”
“That would be great Red. Thanks buddy.”

Red stepped into the door of Peeps and got a quick nod from Tom the day security guard. Red hustled over to the wine and began searching his pockets to see how much money he had and what would be the drink of choice for the afternoon.
“Shit…. 10 dollars and some change looks like it’s two 1.5′s of some no name cab.” he said to himself.
This was the only time of day that Red gave any hint of regret about his past life. He can clearly remember drinking a bottle of Romanée-Conti 1975 and how it changed his life from the first sip till the bottle was drained dry.
His past life came back in a flash. Fuck me, he thought to himself, that was a great bottle of wine! The tannins held that fucker together with some spices from the far east. A hint of earth that made me long for one more sip. Ah.. those were heady days. Full of great times and living a grand life on the other side of this life.
Red grabbed two bottles and made his way to the register. “Hi ya Sally. How’s it going with that piece of shit boyfriend of yours?” Red half joked with the clerk. He secretly thought that she deserved better. “Fuck you Red!” Sally shot back. “He’s in rehab and doing great! How’s it going with your faggot friend, Billy Goat?” She teased him back. “Ha ha, Sally you know he only likes little girls, not a grown manly man like myself.” He proudly said with a raise of his chest showing his masculinity.
“See you tomorrow Sally.” with a wave of his hand Red was out the door.
Piss off you crusty drunk.
Sally and Red have been having the same banter for the last three years since she made it off the streets with the help of Red and one of the local shelters.
Sally had a soft spot for Red as he was the one who encouraged her to sober up and get herself and her boyfriend off the mean streets of the Nickel.
Sally wondered why someone with Reds education and demeanor would enjoy living in the Nickel when he could work in the finest restaurant in all of North America, She never pressed the issue but had heard stories of where he had come from and who he once was and she was mystified by this lovable but insufferable prick.